Whoopie!

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  It has come as such as relief to us...We recently learned the pediatrician, that we have long hoped would take our child on as a patient, has kindly agreed to squeeze us into her practice. It is very hard to find a pediatrician that specializes in internationally adopted children in the Boston area, let alone locally, but we're in luck! For years, we have heard great things about a particular doctor, who's practice is minutes from our house, who is also a parent of a child adopted from China, and who has a focused interest in internationally adopted children. JACKPOT!!! ....Or so we thought - until I looked into it and found out that she was not taking on new patients. On an impulse, I mailed a letter that had a hint of groveling and a dash of flattery to it. I asked the doctor to provide a consultation for us. This means, when we are presented with the medical summaries of a child that we may consider for adoption, she would review the file and make recommendations (this is a standard practice). We also asked her to keep us in mind, if a slot should open up within her practice. The doctor's secretary sent us correspondence relaying that the doctor was out on maternity leave until November, but that she would advocate for our request. Well, long story not so short (sorry), after many months of finger-crossing, the doctor responded that she would add us into her patient care. Yippee! It may not seem like such a big deal to many, but for us, it means that our pediatrician will be attuned to the unique needs of a child that:
• has received institutional care
• may come home with skin rashes and/or other illnesses typically found in orphanages
• will have transitional needs/struggles once we are home
• may need assistance catching up with developmental norms
• may experience issues at school that relate to adoption
• will have no known medical history
• etc.. I'm sure we'll learn them as we go :)

Dr. K has come highly recommended by our homestudy social worker and several adoption experts. It is comforting to have this important piece of the puzzle in place.

Special Needs Workshop

We participated in a workshop with CAWLI (China Adoptions With Love, Inc.) today on the topic of Special Needs and Older Child Adoptions. It was great meeting Lillian, founder and director of the agency, and Meg, the primary social worker, once again. Several adoptive parents, some with their children present, provided us with information based on their own experiences in China and back home. We consider ourselves to be truly fortunate to have these resources open and available to us. Meg, Lillian, and so many of the families touched by this agency are always so willing to extend themselves to waiting families. They are candid and open about the process and the factors and treatment of each medical need. They invite you to ask questions and freely share their own personal stories. Meg is so knowledgeable in the area of Chinese adoption, but her personal grasp of the specific needs and interests of each family that has completed and/or is in the process of adoption, is positively astounding. This organization provides parents with knowledge and awareness and it fosters a sense of community among the families that it supports. We always feel refreshed and nurtured by their powerful words and friendly faces. The next time we meet with the agency, it will be to discuss the details of traveling to China (in the event that we are matched with our child in the months to come) and then again, with our own parents, to learn about Chinese culture. I guess that's all for now...I'm heading off, out of doors to enjoy a beautiful autumn afternoon in New England! I luv fall!!!

p.s. that's Lillian in the photo

Trivia Time

Here are some interesting facts about China...

• The Great Wall stretches for about 4,500 miles across North China.


• Twenty percent of China's plants are used in medicine.


• Ice cream was invented in China around 2000BC when the Chinese packed a soft milk and rice mixture in the snow.


• Long ago, silk making was a closely guarded secret. Anyone who gave the secret away could be killed.


• Paper was first invented in China in 105 AD. It was a closely guarded secret and didn’t reach Eurupe until the 8th century.


• China has only about 200 different family names.


• There are about 40000 characters in Chinese language; An Adult is only expected to know 5000 of them.


• Tian’anmen Square is the largest public plaza in the world.

Time to Wok!

Remember "Yan Can Cook"? Well, I recently came across one of his more recent books. I loved watching Yan's show when I was a kid; he was so animated and humorous. He made cooking fun long before the Food Network dominated the t.v. This book has some beautiful photography and interesting narratives chronicling his travels across China. His recipes are simple to follow and highlight cuisine from many of the provinces. I haven't fired up the wok yet, but I hope to add to my dinner repertoire soon.

Cool Prints!

Just a brief shout out for everyone that has sent in fabric for the 100 Good Wishes Quilt. It has felt like Christmas as we open up the mail and read your beautiful words and admire your fabric selections. I promise to photograph them and scan them into the blog soon so that everyone can view the process and the contributions. Keep 'm coming.

Positive Adoption Language

As pre-adoptive parents, we have spent years learning about and preparing for the adoption of our little one. One thing that we will encourage of those around us, is to use positive adoptive language. Although most people mean well, it is common for people to make errors in how they address their questions and thoughts about adoption. Adoptive parents tend to be hyperalert (and hypersensitive) to conversations that others may not perceive to be offensive. Our children have already endured so much in their young lives, that we earnestly try to protect them from negative self concepts around their adoption. I find it is better to educate others, rather than chastise them for their mistakes in this area. It is important for parents to role model for their children how to address issues in adoption. If parents come across as too defensive, it demonstrates a sensitivity around the topic rather than an openness about it. These are a few examples of how "word choice" can either promote healthy self-concept or hinder it:

• "birthmom/dad/parent" ...rather than "real parent" (we are all real parents; our roles in this child's life are different, but no less important)



• "parent" ...rather than "adoptive parent"



• "international adoption" ...rather than "foreign adoption"



• "make an adoption plan" ...rather than "give up a child" or "put up for adoption"



• "was adopted" ...rather than "is adopted" (this wording puts emphasis on adoption as an event rather than as an identity)

Also, please understand that the term "China Doll" originates from movies that have objectified Asian women as sexual objects for the Westerner's hidden pleasure. Among the Asian community, this term is seen as offensive.

Our child is not oriental. Objects are oriental; people are of Asian or Chinese descent.

Lucky Child...Sadly, our child has not been "lucky." It is we who are the fortunate ones. We are the beneficiaries of some one's misfortune. It is much the same as in organ donation. Someone must loose in order for another to gain. We will be blessed to bring a child into our homes and provide all the love and stability we have to offer. Our child will have endured more trauma and loss in the first year of life, than most of us will ever experience in a lifetime. We are cognisant that our child will have been stripped of his/her mother's voice and all the familiar sounds experienced inutero. Our child will loose the comfort of the familiar language, smells, sounds, and routines experienced in China. Our child will have lost immediate and extended family, medical history, religious and cultural influences, her country of origin, and a population that looks like him/her.

It will be our job, as parents, to recuperate as much of these points of identity as possible through developing a Life Book (a scrapbook that details the child's history from their perspective), participation in events and activities that celebrate Chinese culture, and the provision of a social network of peers and families brought together through adoption. Our child will be brought up "American," but it would be wrong for us to neglect the Chinese heritage of our child. We will be a multicultural-multiracial family. We are French/Italian/Irish/German/English (I know I'm forgetting something, sorry) ...and Chinese. And we are mighty proud of it. :)

Thanks for trying understand the sensitivity of these topics. We are still learning ourselves about the influence of language on the development of one's identity, especially among children of adoption. Always feel free to ask questions - we are always open to these conversations and it will give us practice on how to handle situations as they arise.

Pet Owner's Dilema

So, we met with the orthopedic vet today. Yeah, definitely not a good day. Our emotionally draining day involved additional sedation and x-rays, consultation and waiting; we learned that Cooper's dysplasia is very severe. They advised surgery on his "better" hip (essentially breaking the crest in 3 pieces and repositioning with plates, wire and screws). They will not perform this procedure on the more damaged right hip because the results would be less favorable. Instead it is a case of "wait & see" with the possibility of his needing a hip replacement. It has been a very costly week with all of these visits and we are facing painful decisions. The window of opportunity for this surgery is extremely brief - the vet wants to do it tomorrow-in a month, too much damage will have occurred. We have done what we can to be responsible and humane, but are facing the fiscal realities of proceeding with these treatments. This one surgery will be double of what we anticipated to pay for repair to both hips. Anti-inflammatory meds alone are $70 for a 2 week supply, so continuing with that regimen is hardly an 8 year option either. We do not know how fast arthritis will set in, but given the problems he is exhibiting at this stage, it doesn't look good. We are not sure what the future hold for him, but we do not want it to be one of suffering. Only time will tell.