Cool Prints!

Just a brief shout out for everyone that has sent in fabric for the 100 Good Wishes Quilt. It has felt like Christmas as we open up the mail and read your beautiful words and admire your fabric selections. I promise to photograph them and scan them into the blog soon so that everyone can view the process and the contributions. Keep 'm coming.

Positive Adoption Language

As pre-adoptive parents, we have spent years learning about and preparing for the adoption of our little one. One thing that we will encourage of those around us, is to use positive adoptive language. Although most people mean well, it is common for people to make errors in how they address their questions and thoughts about adoption. Adoptive parents tend to be hyperalert (and hypersensitive) to conversations that others may not perceive to be offensive. Our children have already endured so much in their young lives, that we earnestly try to protect them from negative self concepts around their adoption. I find it is better to educate others, rather than chastise them for their mistakes in this area. It is important for parents to role model for their children how to address issues in adoption. If parents come across as too defensive, it demonstrates a sensitivity around the topic rather than an openness about it. These are a few examples of how "word choice" can either promote healthy self-concept or hinder it:

• "birthmom/dad/parent" ...rather than "real parent" (we are all real parents; our roles in this child's life are different, but no less important)



• "parent" ...rather than "adoptive parent"



• "international adoption" ...rather than "foreign adoption"



• "make an adoption plan" ...rather than "give up a child" or "put up for adoption"



• "was adopted" ...rather than "is adopted" (this wording puts emphasis on adoption as an event rather than as an identity)

Also, please understand that the term "China Doll" originates from movies that have objectified Asian women as sexual objects for the Westerner's hidden pleasure. Among the Asian community, this term is seen as offensive.

Our child is not oriental. Objects are oriental; people are of Asian or Chinese descent.

Lucky Child...Sadly, our child has not been "lucky." It is we who are the fortunate ones. We are the beneficiaries of some one's misfortune. It is much the same as in organ donation. Someone must loose in order for another to gain. We will be blessed to bring a child into our homes and provide all the love and stability we have to offer. Our child will have endured more trauma and loss in the first year of life, than most of us will ever experience in a lifetime. We are cognisant that our child will have been stripped of his/her mother's voice and all the familiar sounds experienced inutero. Our child will loose the comfort of the familiar language, smells, sounds, and routines experienced in China. Our child will have lost immediate and extended family, medical history, religious and cultural influences, her country of origin, and a population that looks like him/her.

It will be our job, as parents, to recuperate as much of these points of identity as possible through developing a Life Book (a scrapbook that details the child's history from their perspective), participation in events and activities that celebrate Chinese culture, and the provision of a social network of peers and families brought together through adoption. Our child will be brought up "American," but it would be wrong for us to neglect the Chinese heritage of our child. We will be a multicultural-multiracial family. We are French/Italian/Irish/German/English (I know I'm forgetting something, sorry) ...and Chinese. And we are mighty proud of it. :)

Thanks for trying understand the sensitivity of these topics. We are still learning ourselves about the influence of language on the development of one's identity, especially among children of adoption. Always feel free to ask questions - we are always open to these conversations and it will give us practice on how to handle situations as they arise.

Pet Owner's Dilema

So, we met with the orthopedic vet today. Yeah, definitely not a good day. Our emotionally draining day involved additional sedation and x-rays, consultation and waiting; we learned that Cooper's dysplasia is very severe. They advised surgery on his "better" hip (essentially breaking the crest in 3 pieces and repositioning with plates, wire and screws). They will not perform this procedure on the more damaged right hip because the results would be less favorable. Instead it is a case of "wait & see" with the possibility of his needing a hip replacement. It has been a very costly week with all of these visits and we are facing painful decisions. The window of opportunity for this surgery is extremely brief - the vet wants to do it tomorrow-in a month, too much damage will have occurred. We have done what we can to be responsible and humane, but are facing the fiscal realities of proceeding with these treatments. This one surgery will be double of what we anticipated to pay for repair to both hips. Anti-inflammatory meds alone are $70 for a 2 week supply, so continuing with that regimen is hardly an 8 year option either. We do not know how fast arthritis will set in, but given the problems he is exhibiting at this stage, it doesn't look good. We are not sure what the future hold for him, but we do not want it to be one of suffering. Only time will tell.

A Busy Week

Over the Labor Day weekend, freinds and family joined us for a lobster, steamer, BBQ feast. Thanks to all who helped out and to those who brought some yummie dishes! We had a great time and hope to do it again next year.

It's been a pretty full week. Cooper, our 9 mth old Newfoundland, had a couple of vet vists, was put under anesthesia for x-rays to be taken, and has been determined to have hip dysplasia. Initially, our vet assumed that we would simply manage it via anti-inflammatory and pain meds. After viewing the x-rays, she advised us to make an appointment with an orthopedic vet to discuss surgical options. We are going there tomorrow to figure our what the game plan will be. Needless to say, this additional expense really hinders our efforts to save all that we can before the adoption is finalized. Fortunately we caught it in time and he doesn't seem to have any arthritic damage yet. I guess we'll know soon enough how involved his medical needs are.

Rob has had a tough year with work related injuries. He had two shoulder surgeries this year and was released back to work a few weeks ago. He had a follow up visit with the surgeon this week and voiced his concerns about ongoing pain. He is now out of work for an additional 2 weeks and will resume physical therapy. This is an additional stress, as we worry about job security and how these injuries will impact us in the long run. Finger are crossed.

We didn't get to attend the PTAG meeting with the agency because it was rescheduled. I did get through some tentative BabiesRUs planning, however. Thanks for your help with that, J-. I also need to get a jump on the quilting lessons for the 100 Good Wishes quilt, but that will have to take a back seat until Cooper's situation is settled.

I'll post more in an update tomorrow.

Furniture....Check!

I have tackled a job that I have been putting off for a long time...I have finally painted the furniture that will become part of the baby's nursery. The pieces have been in the family for a long time and have a bit of nostalgia associated with them. They are in really great condition, but were in dire need of a face lift. I'm relieved that I finally got around to doing it.

I guess I was on a bit of a baby kick this past weekend, because I also did some browsing around at Baby's R Us. That is not an adventure for the faint of heart! As it is, I am usually overwhelmed by the enormity of the store when I am shopping for a baby shower gift. It is quite the challenge to decipher and evaluate the "bells and whistles" of product A to those of product B. I found myself becoming completely obsessed with safety standards and durability, developmental longevity of each item and practicality. I couldn't even get myself to focus on the more cosmetic choices like color and pattern. I am going to start my research by seeking the advice of parents with first hand knowledge and online product comparisons for now - it will be a lot easier to tackle those aisles once I have little more direction.

As far as the 100 Good Wishes Quilt is concerned, I think I may post a "goal date" for anyone interested in contributing fabric squares. It will help all the procrastinators (like me) to select a fabric and send it over. I have asked my mom and Rob's mom to join me in the quilting fun! I know they are excited to get started, but we can't really plan out how the squares will be arranged until we see how many we are working with and what they look like. Thank you to all of you who have expressed an interest in helping out. Also, in case my general instructions were too vague, I did post an additional link with examples of what other people have created. Feel free to leave me a message in the "comment section" if you need further details.