Gong Xi Fa Cai

This year we attended our agency's annual Chinese New Year celebration. We had heard that it was big, but WOW was it ever. Up to 1000 people attend each year. The families that organize this party really think of everything. They have a beautiful lunch buffet, vendors, entertainment, and a variety of activities for the kids to enjoy. We really enjoyed getting together with our friends that traveled with us to China. This event does a great job celebrating our children's shared history and culture. The boys and girls looked beautiful in their silk garb and thoroughly enjoyed themselves today. As parents, we took pride in watching our children embrace the music, dance, and food of China. It was sooooo wonderful to reconnect with some of the families in our travel group. It was very busy in the banquet hall, so it was nice to wind down the afternoon with some playtime in the lobby. Here the boys really got to engage in rough play, tag, and general fits of laughter. I can't wait until we get to do it all over again next year. Sign us up!

A Morning of Feasting

Today marked a very important day for Kai...it was "transition to soft foods" day! Oh, the delight! He squealed with excitement at the runny scrambled eggs I presented him for breakfast. Ugh, not my cup of tea, but for a boy that has been eating purees for the past 9 days, this was gourmet cuisine. He also enjoyed an over-ripe banana, sliced into translucent slivers. Bleck. For lunch, Kai downed his weight in egg salad (I gave him Egg Beaters in the a.m. so that he wouldn't have too much cholesterol). He also found room for ground up spaghetti and apple sauce. Later he ate an Italian Ice. I gave it to him with the assumption that he would lick the top of it until his tongue got tired. He can't use a spoon, so I figured he'd give up soon enough. Nope. Little bugger kept at it. He ran over to me every few minutes to warm up his hands (he froze his little piggy fingers off holding the cup). I finally just took the easy way out and stuck some gloves on him. Where he found the room to eat that much, I will never know. Needless to say, he didn't have much for dinner. He looks quite serious in today's pictures because he was heading for a food coma at the time they were taken. As you can imagine, Kai went down for a nap with little protest today.






Just out of curiosity, I looked back at old posts to see what we were doing last year at this time. This week, twelve months ago, we received what was then, several of Kai's youngest photos. I never tire of reflecting back on those pictures; we are so fortunate that Kai belonged to an orphanage that saw the value of capturing these precious stages of growth and change. That week we also mailed Kai his first of two care packages. We included photos of us, a few toys, baby blanket, disposable cameras and some candy for his caretakers. It is amazing how much can change in a year's time.

Reason # 507 to Love Kai

In his darkened room, Kai signs all the words to "Heads, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes" and "Itsy Bitsy Spider" trying to stay awake at bedtime.

P.S. He continues to recover from palate surgery with remarkable speed and ease. Two thumbs up!

Recovering after Surgery

Here are some photos taken last week.






Well, Kai had his palate revision on Wednesday. Rob was a warrior, driving through the Nor'Easter to get us there on time. Kai was a trooper that day. He was dragged out of bed, given a new diaper and a coat and carrier out into the blizzard at 6 a.m. He was exhausted and starving by the time we were brought into the pre-op area. Last time around, we were stuck in monumental traffic and nearly missed our surgery time slot. This time, we arrived early enough for Kai was given Versed, "happy juice", before surgery which greatly helped him to be put under without as much anxiety.
As mentioned earlier, the initial repair, done while in the orphanage, was poorly constructed. As it turns out, there was far too much damage and scaring to be corrected in one procedure, so Kai's surgeon focused on expanding Kai's soft palate and closing the existing holes in that area. In six months, Kai will have another surgery to address the hard palate (behind the gumline). It was discouraging to find out that Kai will have to suffer through this again so quickly, but I appreciate the doctor's good judgement. It would be more devastating to attempt the entire palate, only to find out that it was structurally to weak to hold the sutures.
On a very important positive note, Kai is recovering much, much better than when he underwent a nose and lip revision in September. I really hadn't commented on it much at the time because it was just too upsetting to discuss. Kai is on a different medication to control his pain this time (after his previous reaction to the Codeine). Kai struggled the first night in the hospital, but by morning was doing noticeably better. His appetite couldn't be quenched in the hospital. He drank broth, jello, Popsicles and juice like nobody's business. {That's our boy!}.
Kai was discharged the next day. The liquid diet doesn't seem to bother him. I've been so stingy about letting him use open cups (because he takes so much joy in dumping them over), that he thinks he has been given a great privilege to have all his meals presented to him in toddler cups. He is thrilled to be eating "soup" all the time. Nothing says "yummy" like pureed mix of roast beef, ham, broth, and beef gravy. Bleck. I don't know how long this can go on before he decides that he is sick of this arrangement, but so far, so good. It may end up being more challenging to feed him once he is cleared to eat soft foods. He can't have spoons/fingers enter his mouth for 6 wks, so I don't exactly know how we're going to make this fly. Kai is all about independence; he'll be darned if someone is going to impede on his sense of autonomy and feed him like a baby. :) I may resort to using chopsticks. Rob prefers to eat Chinese food with them and Kai insists that Rob feeds him with them too. :)
Sleep was a MAJOR problem during the last surgery. In fact, it pretty much didn't happen...ever. The last few nights have been tricky here and there, but nothing in comparison to a few months ago. He had one night terror, last night, but it was over in a fraction of the time. He wakes every hour, but sees that I or Rob are beside him and can usually fall back to sleep on his own. I am hopeful that this is what we can look back on as the "tough days". During playtime, Kai acts as if nothing is different. He runs around the house as he always has and seems to be unaffected by the surgery until fatigue sets in. Once he is tired, the emotional trauma of surgery is evident, but he is getting through it more quickly than ever before.
It's hard to find the time to post, but I will try to keep you up to speed in a few days. Fingers are crossed that I have more good things to tell.

Happy Birthday Baby Boy!

Almost. {Smile.} Kai turns two on the 14th, but we had a family get-together for him this weekend to celebrate his birthday. Kai is scheduled to have another surgery this week so we had his party a few days early. Our little guy is too quickly becoming a big boy.

On Wednesday, Kai will have his palate reconstructed. His open palate was closed in China last March, weeks before we were able to meet him, but unfortunately the results were less optimal and need to be redone. Kai's palate required several months of healing before it could be re-attempted which is why we are doing it at such a late date.
Kai's surgeon will go in and attempt to reconstruct his soft and hard palate. This is very important in order for Kai to be able to develop the sounds required for speech. At present, Kai has a large open gap behind his gumline and at least one fistula (that I can see) in his soft palate. His speech has been coming along beautifully, however, without a fully closed palate, and a soft palate of appropriate length, certain sounds cannot be made.
Kai will have a highly restrictive diet for at least 6 weeks to allow for healing. During this time, nothing will be allowed to enter Kai's mouth (other than his "food"). Kai will be fed using a syringe, open cups, and eventually over-sized serving spoons that are too big for his mouth. The repaired palate tissue is quite thin and is at risk for developing fistulas (holes/tears) until it is fully healed. Because Kai has pre-existing scarring, it will be even more critical that we take extra care to follow feeding protocols. The first two weeks are strictly liquid diet. The liquid must easily pour off of a spoon. Even runny Cream of Wheat must be put off until later weeks because particles of food could become trapped in the sutures and cause Kai to try to remove them with his tongue.
If the doctor gives us the okay, we can start to make his meals a little thicker each week. In the final weeks, Kai will be able to eat "soft" foods that can be easily mashed (i.e. overcooked noodles, undercooked eggs). Our food processor is going to be pureeing up a storm. I've been collecting recipes from other families with cleft affected kiddos. It's been enormously helpful. Kai is also lactose-intolerant so I've needed to take that into consideration when coming up with post-op meal ideas.
Kai's last surgery was a real doozie for all of us. I am predicting that blog posts will be few and far between until we are over the worst of it, but I will try to give updates every few days. Please keep him in your thoughts.

Our "Special" Journey to Kai

This summer our agency was looking for its families to contribute to their annual newsletter so I wrote a short little something about our adoption journey. I was asked if they could save it for next year's issue where they would be featuring the stories of families that chose to adopt through the Special Needs and Waiting Child programs. I decided to post it today. With the "resolutions" that are so often made with each New Year's celebration, I thought the theme of this reflection might be relevant.

The beginning of our adoption story is not unlike that of many others. We faced issues with my fertility, grieved, chose not to pursue fertility treatment, and began to explore how we would create our family through adoption. We did the research and felt a special connection with China. Even with the knowledge of growing wait times, we simply could not turn away from the pull that China had over us. We completed our homestudy and we waited. We lived our lives with the understanding that we had waited a long time for our child and accepted that the waiting would continue for many more years. Our child was in China, we would wait. A year passed since our dossier was "logged in" with the CCAA. We were waiting for our "healthy 6-12 month old boy or girl or twins".
It's remarkable how we make plans. Oh, I'm a planner alright. I am a "roll with the punches", adaptable kind of person, but I have a strong compulsion to create timelines, goals, futures...whether it comes to fruition or not. Plans change. Plans changed when I could not get pregnant. Plans changed when the prospects of having a child would take longer than initially expected. Plans changed when I read Lillian's words in a CAWLI monthly newsletter. Yes, Lillian's visit to China and her observation of the sheer percentage of "special needs" children within China's orphanages spoke to me. You see, I am a Special Educator. I like many, have my own ideas about what "special needs" means. I began to learn about what that term means as it applies to adoption. I began to really think, about what qualifies one child to be deemed "non-special" vs. "special needs". I educated myself. I spoke with my family. A few weeks later, we included within our updated home study, a list of medical needs with which we were comfortable and we never looked back.
I reflect back on our initial path towards creating a family. Never would I have predicted this outcome, proving that the best laid plans are not always "the best". On May 9, 2010, my husband and I met the one element missing from an already very happy life together. Kai, a tiny boy of 15 months, born with a bilateral cleft lip and palate was handed to us in a little office in Nanjing City, Jiangsu Province, China. This child, this beautiful little person was our son. Words cannot describe the swelling within our hearts, the earnestness we feel to be the very best parents for him, the gratitude that we encounter when identified as Kai's Mommy and Daddy. Sometimes we think we know what we want. Sometimes we learn that we were looking in the wrong direction. We found our direction, we found our Kai Kai. We discovered that we had nothing to fear in the words "special needs". Kai is special; he is the most precious little person I have ever laid eyes upon, and we "needed" him.
I want to advocate on the behalf of China's Special Needs Children. I urge you to get curious. Just take a look. The web is a great resource for parenting. As a waiting parent, I became connected to chat forums associated with my child's need. Connecting with others around a common experience can give you the self confidence you might be lacking to consider parenting a SN child. Parenting a child with minor/correctable medical needs is not for everyone, but it was for us...we just didn't know it for a while.

Chow'n Down

The weather was simply beautiful today. We spent several hours outdoors enjoying the balmy air. Earlier in the day, Kai and I took a walk to visit some horses that live a few blocks from our house. They came over to the fence immediately when they saw us and Kai was more than thrilled. He desperately wanted to get out of his stroller and climb into the paddock with them. We hung out there for quite a while; the horses were just as interested with watching Kai. You could almost see the wheels turning in his head as he studied their features and the manner in which they interacted with one another. After our walk, we popped some snow boots and mittens on Kai so that he could play in the snow. He got a kick out of packing it down with his feet. I can't even estimate how much snow he must have consumed. We had a hard time coaxing the little bugger into the house even with nightfall and a sudden drop in temperature. Something tells me we are going to be spending a lot of time outside this winter. It's time for this mommy to buy a pair of real snow boots, my hiking boots just aren't going to cut it.