This summer our agency was looking for its families to contribute to their annual newsletter so I wrote a short little something about our adoption journey. I was asked if they could save it for next year's issue where they would be featuring the stories of families that chose to adopt through the Special Needs and Waiting Child programs. I decided to post it today. With the "resolutions" that are so often made with each New Year's celebration, I thought the theme of this reflection might be relevant.
The beginning of our adoption story is not unlike that of many others. We faced issues with my fertility, grieved, chose not to pursue fertility treatment, and began to explore how we would create our family through adoption. We did the research and felt a special connection with China. Even with the knowledge of growing wait times, we simply could not turn away from the pull that China had over us. We completed our homestudy and we waited. We lived our lives with the understanding that we had waited a long time for our child and accepted that the waiting would continue for many more years. Our child was in China, we would wait. A year passed since our dossier was "logged in" with the CCAA. We were waiting for our "healthy 6-12 month old boy or girl or twins".
It's remarkable how we make plans. Oh, I'm a planner alright. I am a "roll with the punches", adaptable kind of person, but I have a strong compulsion to create timelines, goals, futures...whether it comes to fruition or not. Plans change. Plans changed when I could not get pregnant. Plans changed when the prospects of having a child would take longer than initially expected. Plans changed when I read Lillian's words in a CAWLI monthly newsletter. Yes, Lillian's visit to China and her observation of the sheer percentage of "special needs" children within China's orphanages spoke to me. You see, I am a Special Educator. I like many, have my own ideas about what "special needs" means. I began to learn about what that term means as it applies to adoption. I began to really think, about what qualifies one child to be deemed "non-special" vs. "special needs". I educated myself. I spoke with my family. A few weeks later, we included within our updated home study, a list of medical needs with which we were comfortable and we never looked back.
I reflect back on our initial path towards creating a family. Never would I have predicted this outcome, proving that the best laid plans are not always "the best". On May 9, 2010, my husband and I met the one element missing from an already very happy life together. Kai, a tiny boy of 15 months, born with a bilateral cleft lip and palate was handed to us in a little office in Nanjing City, Jiangsu Province, China. This child, this beautiful little person was our son. Words cannot describe the swelling within our hearts, the earnestness we feel to be the very best parents for him, the gratitude that we encounter when identified as Kai's Mommy and Daddy. Sometimes we think we know what we want. Sometimes we learn that we were looking in the wrong direction. We found our direction, we found our Kai Kai. We discovered that we had nothing to fear in the words "special needs". Kai is special; he is the most precious little person I have ever laid eyes upon, and we "needed" him.
I want to advocate on the behalf of China's Special Needs Children. I urge you to get curious. Just take a look. The web is a great resource for parenting. As a waiting parent, I became connected to chat forums associated with my child's need. Connecting with others around a common experience can give you the self confidence you might be lacking to consider parenting a SN child. Parenting a child with minor/correctable medical needs is not for everyone, but it was for us...we just didn't know it for a while.
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