Keep'n Busy

I can't believe how quickly the weeks have been consumed by preparations for Kai. We've been adding some finishing touches to his room these days. Although his room was already largely "ready," Rob and I have been finishing closet floors, doors, and trim work. It has also been a bit of a chore cleaning out the spare room...COUGH... dumping grounds, to open it up as a playroom. I can't wait to get it all done and put back together. I am just going to squeal with giddiness when all Kai's "stuff" is in place. His room is a physical reminder of our waiting and planning; it is representative of our waiting process for him...not quite there yet, but close.

As usual, I put up our Christmas tree on the Friday after Thanksgiving. I considered skipping it this year, figured I could justify being too busy to bother, but that feeling lasted about two seconds. I can't help it. I LOVE this time of year. I have never given a hoot about getting gifts, I just love the energy of the season. I will never outgrow the nostalgia of "It's A Wonderful Life" or Charlie Brown's Christmas. Starting in November, the Christmas carols play nonstop and the tree is always lit. The extra time with family members, the shared memories of Christmas's past, the promise of a New Year, there's nothing like it.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Each year, we are fortunate enough to enjoy the comfort and company of our families during the holiday season. Each year we are able to reflect upon those things that make life so precious and meaningful. Thanksgiving provides us with an opportunity to pause and consider what makes us smile. With bountiful meals, snug homes, and the warm hugs that greet us at the door, is it any wonder that we have so much for which to be thankful?

This year, our gratitude simply cannot be expressed with words. How amazing is it that despite many thousands of miles of ocean and land, across cultural differences, and language barriers, we should be shown the photos of a little boy named Kai? We have waited for this little boy all our life and now we will become his parents. How supremely thankful are we that the circumstances of our lives have been woven together to make this perfect family unit?

We are thankful for all of you - for your continued love and support.

We are thankful for the shared knowledge and support of other families brought together through adoption.

We are thankful for the good and loving people at China Adoption With Love who have created over a thousand families through the process of adoption.

We are thankful for the aunties, doctors, nurses, and caregivers that have offered the best of themselves to Kai and the many young children in their care.

We are thankful that this beautiful baby boy will be safe within our embrace in the months to come.

May your Thanksgiving bring you many special blessings as well. EAT UP!!!

Calling All Procrastinators...

You know I'm referring to myself, but I might be talking to you too :) if you haven't yet sent in your fabric swatch for Kai's 100 Good Wishes Quilt.

We (our mom's and I) are going to be starting the construction of the quilt soon. We have been so excited to receive the fabric squares from family and friends interested in contributing to this project.

If you are new to the blog, I have a link on the right hand column that will bring you to the initial mention of the quilt. Basically, we are asking everyone to contribute fabric squares (5"x5") and a note with your thoughts/wishes for Kai. We will be creating a quilt and memory book to display all of your swatches and notes. The more the merrier - we've got messages of love and goodwill for Kai stretching from coast to coast & from the north to the south. Thank you to everyone that has already sent one.

Something to Smile About

Here's another picture of our cutie pie! I can't believe that several weeks have already passed us by since we first saw this happy little face. Kai is already keeping us busy everyday with some form of preparation for his homecoming.

We are unbelievably excited about traveling to China to meet this little guy.

As many of you already know, Kai was born with a bilateral cleft lip and palate. His lip was repaired in China and his palate will remain open until he is settled with us. Altogether, Kia will need 2-3 surgeries and orthodontic work. Often, cleft palate affected children experience more ear infections and have difficulty eating until the palate is repaired. Because he cannot suck on a bottle, food is gravity fed to him. Although cleft lip/palate is a very correctable condition, children within institutional settings often suffer from malnutrition. The feeding process is very slow because food and formula can enter the nasal cavity or cause gagging; orphanages are often overcrowded and understaffed and these children require more time to consume food. These photos mean more to us than you could possibly imagine. Kai looks well fed and content despite these odds. His surgeon has done a remarkable job on repairing his lip with his initial surgery. We have been learning about his medical and speech needs and are looking forward to providing him the care he needs.

In the next few weeks we will be able to send Kai a care package. This package will contain photos of Rob and I, a blanket (that we have slept with so that he can recognize our scent when he meets us), a few small toys, and disposable cameras. Our care package will also contain a list of questions we will generate for the aunties (caretakers). We will ask for information that will help us to understand him better and also for details about his earliest experiences to share with him as he gets older. I haven't figured out how many loving thoughts will fit into a small box, but we will be sending yours and ours, packed nice and tight, within his little box of goodies.

Life is good when you can close your eyes at night with thoughts of this sweet angel.

A thought about attachment...

It has been a BUSY week - one filled with happy anticipation, anxious thoughts about the changes to come, lists upon lists of "to do" tasks.

Our son is already loved and welcomed by so many people. It warms our hearts to know that all of you have been in our corner all these years. We are blessed to have so many family and friends that have given us encouragement and support through the wait.

Because of your commitment to our family, we know that we can count on you to continue that support, even when the protocol for parenting our child will need to differ from that of parenting a biological child. The unique needs our family, built through adoption, may seem confusing and even exclusive to those who are not in our situation. As hard as it will be for us to not have him held and hugged by those close to us when we arrive home, we will need to remain his only caregivers for quite a while.

While we have waited for him all these years, he has not been waiting for us. He will not know safety with Rob and I for a long time. He will not recognize us as parents, as protectors, as guardians of his best interests. He will not trust us - he shouldn't, life has already taught him this much. We will have taken him away from HIS world; a world that has already taken so much from him. The only way he will ever be able to develop that deep trust in us, the kind that lets him know that NO MATTER WHAT, we will never do anything to make him feel unsafe again, is by our total presence in his life. As hard as it is to relay this need, it is in fact, Kai's need. Kai will learn, in time, to see us all as family and friends, but first he must experience that through Rob and I. Only time will create that bond. Everyone will be involved in his life and take on important roles. The only message here is that it needs to be on Kai's time frame. We won't know what that time frame looks like; we will take our cues from him. He will be able to play floor games with everyone; it really is the holding, feeding, and diapering needs that must be performed by Rob and I.

Thank you in advance for letting his needs take precedence over your excitement to see him. We are so greatful that we can count on you to do this for him, despite the difficulty and awkwardness of this request. We are always open to talking about the topic of attachment. We will definitely post more on the subject as time goes by because of its importance in relation to our new family needs.

I will be posting different excerpts here and there from various sources that we have found especially helpful. Today I am leaving you with an analogy of the international adoption process. It assumes the perspective of an adopted child through the eyes of an adult going through a similar experience. It is rather enlightening and certainly helped me to sympathize with Kai.

Imagine for a moment… You have met the person you've dreamed about all your life. He has every quality that you desire in a spouse. You plan for the wedding, enjoying every free moment with your fiancée. You love his touch, his smell, the way he looks into your eyes. For the first time in your life, you understand what is meant by "soul mate," for this person understands you in a way that no one else does. Your heart beats in rhythm with his. Your emotions are intimately tied to his every joy, his every sorrow. The wedding comes. It is a happy celebration, but the best part is that you are finally the wife of this wonderful man. You fall asleep that night, exhausted from the day's events, but relaxed and joyful in the knowledge that you are next to the person who loves you more than anyone in the world…the person who will be with you for the rest of your life. The next morning you wake up, nestled in your partner's arms. You open your eyes and immediately look for his face. But IT'S NOT HIM! You are in the arms of another man. You recoil in horror. Who is this man? Where is your beloved? You ask questions of the new man, but it quickly becomes apparent that he doesn't understand you. You search every room in the house, calling and calling for your husband. The new guy follows you around, trying to hug you, pat you on the back,...even trying to stroke your arm, acting like everything is okay. But you know that nothing is okay. Your beloved is gone. Where is he? Will he return? When? What has happened to him? Weeks pass. You cry and cry over the loss of your beloved. Sometimes you ache silently, in shock over what has happened. The new guy tries to comfort you. You appreciate his attempts, but he doesn't speak your language-either verbally or emotionally. He doesn't seem to realize the terrible thing that has happened...that your sweetheart is gone. You find it difficult to sleep. The new guy tries to comfort you at bedtime with soft words and gentle touches, but you avoid him, preferring to sleep alone, away from him and any intimate words or contact. Months later, you still ache for your beloved, but gradually you are learning to trust this new guy. He's finally learned that you like your coffee black, not doctored up with cream and sugar. Although you still don't understand his bedtime songs, you like the lilt of his voice and take some comfort in it. More time passes. One morning, you wake up to find a full suitcase sitting next to the front door. You try to ask him about it, but he just takes you by the hand and leads you to the car. You drive and drive and drive. Nothing is familiar. Where are you? Where is he taking you? You pull up to a large building. He leads you to an elevator and up to a room filled with people. Many are crying. Some are ecstatic with joy. You are confused. And worried. The man leads you over to the corner. Another man opens his arms and sweeps you up in an embrace. He rubs your back and kisses your cheeks, obviously thrilled to see you. You are anything but thrilled to see him. Who in the world is he? Where is your beloved? You reach for the man who brought you, but he just smiles (although he seems to be tearing up, which concerns you), pats you on the back, and puts your hand in the hands of the new guy. The new guy picks up your suitcase and leads you to the door. The familiar face starts openly crying, waving and waving as the elevator doors close on you and the new guy. The new guy drives you to an airport and you follow him, not knowing what else to do. Sometimes you cry, but then the new guy tries to make you smile, so you grin back, wanting to "get along." You board a plane. The flight is long. You sleep a lot, wanting to mentally escape from the situation. Hours later, the plane touches down. The new guy is very excited and leads you into the airport where dozens of people are there to greet you. Light bulbs flash as your photo is taken again and again. The new guy takes you to another guy who hugs you. Who is this one? You smile at him. Then you are taken to another man who pats your back and kisses your cheek. Then yet another fellow gives you a big hug and messes your hair. Finally, someone (which guy is this?) pulls you into his arms with the biggest hug you've ever had. He kisses you all over your cheeks and croons to you in some language you've never heard before. He leads you to a car and drives you to another location. Everything here looks different. The climate is not what you're used to. The smells are strange. Nothing tastes familiar, except for the black coffee. You wonder if someone told him that you like your coffee black. You find it nearly impossible to sleep. Sometimes you lie in bed for hours, staring into the blackness, furious with your husband for leaving you, yet aching from the loss. The new guy checks on you. He seems concerned and tries to comfort you with soft words and a mug of warm milk. You turn away, pretending to go to asleep. People come to the house. You can feel the anxiety start to bubble over as you look into the faces of all the new people. You tightly grasp the new guy's hand. He pulls you closer. People smile and nudge one other, marveling at how quickly you've fallen in love. Strangers reach for you, wanting to be a part of the happiness. Each time a man hugs you, you wonder if he will be the one to take you away. Just in case, you keep your suitcase packed and ready. Although the man at this house is nice and you're hanging on for dear life, you've learned from experience that men come and go, so you just wait in expectation for the next one to come along. Each morning, the new guy hands you a cup of coffee and looks at you expectantly. A couple of times the pain and anger for your husband is so great that you lash out, sending hot coffee across the room, causing the new guy to yelp in pain. He just looks at you, bewildered. But most of the time you calmly take the cup. You give him a smile. And wait. And wait. And wait.

--Written by Cynthia Hockman-Chupp, analogy courtesy of Dr. Kali Miller

Announcing...Wei Zhong Kai!!!!!!

Yes, this darling little boy is ours!!!

Have you ever seen a more precious baby??? Okay, maybe we have a little bias towards him, but seriously...Isn't he just perfect?!?!?!

Wei Zhong Kai is 10 months old. He currently lives in Nanjiing City in Jiangsu Province, China.

As you can see from these photos, our SON (love, love, love saying that word!!!), seems to be doing great. Our week has been crazy busy - never have we smiled so much! I've got so much too tell, but it will have to wait. I've got to get a couple of more ducks in a row before I can bask in his beauty and brag like the proud parent I am! More to come...Keep checking in!