Uggh!

Yeah, that pretty much sums up my day. Kai had an apt with Children's Hospital today to have his ears examined. Bless his little heart, he really had a tough day. Our poor baby has experienced so much loss and has undergone two surgeries without the love and support of a family; now, anything that remotely looks like a medical procedure results in a crisis reaction. Despite how well he has bonded with us over these three months, that brief time can not extinguish the painful memories and associations he has with his past. The pain and trauma that overcomes him when he is examined rips my heart to pieces. I put on the brave face and can handle the "medical" stuff (i.e. restraining him so that the doctor can look into his ears), but his anxiety around the non-threatening stuff really leaves me feeling helpless. Before he saw anyone in a white coat, we met with the audiologist for a hearing exam. She needed to consult with me in the hallway because he caught sight of her equipment and lost it. This was supposed to be the "fun" part of the testing. He was to sit on my lap in an observation room while interesting sounds were introduced from different corners of the room. Each time Kai looked in the direction of the sound, his response was rewarded with an electronic pig or sheep being lit up and dancing to music. Sadly, these cute animals were not enough to calm the hysterical baby within my arms. Next we met with the Ears, Nose, Throat doctor. This was again, unpleasant for all involved. In the end, it was determined that Kai has good hearing and will not struggle to learn English. Because his ears fail to properly drain fluid (a common problem for cleft affected kids), he will require ear tubes at the time of his next surgery. Thankfully each time we were left alone in the exam room, I was able to calm Kai and he would engage in play. His resiliency astounds me. I expected the long car ride home to be difficult given that he was hungry and in need of a nap.
Our commute home went well up until the deafening "KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK,KNOCK" of my ENGINE!!!! Thankfully, I was able to make it to the breakdown lane. So the hungry, tired, emotionally spent little boy in the back seat was tested for his patience yet again. We were rescued by our friend, thanks again Jessica, and my car was towed home by Rob's friend, Pat. Kai took it all in stride. The engine will need to be replaced, and that rots, but Kai is safe and clear of medical visits for the next couple weeks. I'm wiped out so I don't have any new picture today, but I am taking Kai to a fair tomorrow and will have some for the next post.